Goal Failure

When we fail to meet our intended goal it can cause all sorts of fallout. Emotional, mental, and physical distress even! Let’s explore some steps to triage in the aftermath of a failed attempt at a goal and how to bounce back.

First Steps After a Failure

Embrace your emotions. Yes, it sounds silly, but give yourself time to recognize what you’re feeling. Focusing on what you’re feeling about the failure rather than the failure itself can actually help introduce motivation again. You may feel sad that things did not work out or even embarrassment but don’t let these emotions define you as a failure. Going through a failure does not equate to you being a failure. For more on how focusing on your emotions after a failure can be of help to you check out the study linked here.

Recognize Unhealthy Coping

It can seem all too natural to immediately try to minimize pain by saying something like “well, I didn’t want that job anyway.” or “I’m fine without it” but these attempts at minimizing only serve to bottle pain and push it down to be dealt with later. And not in a healthy way.

To turn it on its head, lean into healthier coping skills. They can look like calling a friend, deep breathing, taking a long walk, or even a bubble bath. Of course, not every coping mechanism works for every person so take the time to find out what works for you. That being said, don’t think that indulging in junk food binges, smoking heavily, or drinking to numb yourself are appropriate responses and acceptable coping mechanisms.

Acknowledge Unrealistic Views of Failure

Failure does not mean you yourself are a failure. Nor does it mean you are a bad person or somehow lacking in the ability to reach goal. The idea of comparing yourself to others may seem tempting but put simply, you aren’t them so their success or lack thereof is not a concern you need to focus on. Make a point to identify which thoughts you are holding as irrational and why they are not realistic for you.

Conversely, do lean into thinking about failure in a constructive way. I hesitate to say positive but yes, that too. Instead of thinking failure is a sign you screwed up, think about failure as a sign that you tackled a tough situation. Instead of viewing yourself as not being able to handle the goal take a moment to realize you can handle the failure. You may need to reinforce this more than once (and if you’re reading this and actively trying to put yourself down as a way to be correct in your negative assumption, that’s a definite yes).

Take Responsibility for Failure

Instead of looking for excuses, ask yourself why it is that you’ve reached this point. Perhaps you overbooked yourself and didn’t prioritize time for your goal. Maybe you kept putting it off instead of attending to it in the immediate. Do you grapple with a fear of success as well as failure? More on that in later posts.

Either way, rather than saying well it got away from me or something came up (because something always will) look at how you handled those bumps and whether you used them as a way to excuse yourself from the work.

Move Forward

First and foremost, what can you learn from these failed attempts? What could you have done differently? Think about these possible steps. And then, make a plan. Stop thinking, "I am a failure," and focus on thinking, "I am capable of trying again." As Wile E. Coyote is often saying, back to the drawing board. You just need to tackle things again, having made adjustments to the plan, and keep yourself open to learning. You can do this. Maybe not the first time. Or the second. But eventually, you will get there.